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In The Beginning….

I, David Workman, being of semi-sound mind,had planned a nice little trip on my motorbike. I was going to travel from Kingston, Ontario to Gaspe, Quebec, camp along the way, do some whale watching and try out a "Swim With the Seals" excursion. My Kawasaki Ninja 500 is not exactly the choice of camping motorcycle enthusiasts, but I figured if I packed really light, I could probably get away with it. Geography is not one of my better traits so I picked up a Tripticket from the Ontario Motor League. I worked out the mileage to be about 500km. Lynda happened to drop in that day and decided that she would like to come with me on my bike. Packing would now be doubly difficult. Upon looking at the map, Lynda found the distance was more like 900 km…one way…and it was all on the 401 and TransCanada highways. This didn't sound quite so appealing so she chose a different route to Lions Head in Northwestern Ontario.

"That sounds good", I said, "I haven't been to Moosonee in about 30 years."

"Moosonee!!" she exclaimed, "We won't be anywhere near there."

"Oh…well…do you think we're going to have to help fight the forest fires that are happening right now"?

"Man…we'll be nowhere near there either…lucky for you, I'm coming along", she said in exasperation.

Saturday July 23, 2011

At 10:52 a.m., I showed up at Lynda's doorstep with my motorbike and my snazzy new green and yellow striped racing gloves that I bought at the dollar store. The clerk tried to tell me they were gardening gloves…but I knew better. By 12:30 we had eliminated almost everything Lynda wanted to bring including her massage table. I had recently purchased a tank bag which handily sat on the gas tank via magnets and held such things as "our" camera, some tools (that were never needed), maps (that were almost useless), a 10x12 tarp, pen and paper, pocket knife, Lynda's reading glasses and a roll of electrician's tape. The latter came in very handy when I got complaints from my passenger. Harold Moore had loaned me a pair of saddle bags which were velcroed together across the seat. We each got one and filled them to capacity. At the very back was my gym bag which held a tent, two thermarests, bungee cords and two sheets. We had talked it over and decided we didn't need sleeping bags as it's been quite hot lately. We bungee corded my gym bag behind Lynda and drove ¼ mile to the post office to mail a letter. Here we discovered that the main bungee cord had disintegrated…I think because it had gone under the fender. I replaced it with another one and we set off deciding on the spur of the moment that we would go out Bath Road and then head north at Bath. Since it was an extremely hot day, we revised our route and elected to follow Lake Ontario and take the ferry to Picton. Of course, once there we found that there was about an hour wait so instead we took a shortcut and got lost before finding Napanee. From there we went to Belleville via #2. I was more than a little worried about the flimsy bungee cord holding the gym bag in place so we stopped in at Rona to get some tie down straps. It was so hot we had to find shady places to park. Theirs were too big and expensive so we tried Walmart. Same thing. The clerk suggested the dollar store so I picked two up for $2.00 each. We were so hot, we took our chances with the bungee cord rather than repack.

Lynda checked the map and guided us up #14 to Stirling. We were enjoying the winding road when it suddenly went over a small bridge and turned to gravel. I pulled over. We were totally lost. As we puzzled over the map with its mystifying hieroglyphics, a truck pulled up beside us and offered to help. He was going to Havelock so we followed him and his girlfriend. They were both very nice and pulled over to wait for us at every stop. Somehow we eventually ended up at Peterboro, so we toured the lift lock. After watching for 10 minutes, Lynda said, "Let's go…it's hot!!". We whizzed through Omeemee, where Neil Young (my hero) grew up. The Rock & Roll Museum was closed, otherwise we would have stopped in. At Lindsay we ate at a Wimpy's restaurant which was pretty good. They had the old fashioned jukeboxes at each table so of course we had to play a Neil Young song "Cinnamon Girl".

The plan was to start searching around 7:30 pm every night for a free place to camp. Around that time we passed a drive-in movie theatre near Georgina. I pulled in and asked the Chinese owners if we could pay for the movie and also set our tent up at the back. The owner was agreeable and said, "Yes…that be fine but no sleepy". Lynda chimed in, "But we want sleepy". "No…no sleepy", he replied. "How about a little sleepy"? I asked. "No sleepy for you", he said adamantly.

Defeated, we headed down the road. We stopped at a small store. A young girl was giving away kittens. Lynda was putting one in her saddlebag when I came out. I put it back much to her dismay.

I spotted a very nice church and graveyard, but Lynda vetoed that camping spot. We breezed through Sutton and on the outskirts I spotted a paved road leading to "The Sutton Board of Trade". This was a small tourist bureau with a neatly manicured lawn and some nice trees out back. We checked it out and it seemed to meet our requirements. It even had an outdoor porta-potty. Now that we were secure in knowing where we'd be sleeping, we headed back in to Sutton and found ourselves a private beach. We went for a swim in Lake Simcoe and were surprised by how warm it was. From there we went back "home". I had a wind-up flashlight which was quite helpful. Lynda guided me while I drove the bike into the trees. We set up the tent leaving most of our items right on the bike. Then I tarped the bike for the night. I had purchased the tent specifically because it fit in my gym bag but I had also only planned to sleep one in it. It was a kid's junior tent and had a 5x6 foot floor space. That may sound spacious, but believe me, it wasn't. We were very uncomfortable until Lynda suggested that maybe we should inflate our thermarest ground pads. That made a big difference. We just got all settled when Lynda realized she had forgotten her miner's headlamp for reading. I went out to the bike and untarped it and rummaged around until I found it. Back in the tent, Lynda discovered she had also left her book in her saddlebag. Back out, I went, battling mosquitoes. I was just nicely settled in reading my Clive Cussler book when Lynda said, "Darn, I can't read anyway…I left my reading glasses in your tank bag". Back out I went again. Finally we were settled in. Then Lynda's batteries died so I gave her my headlamp. We both gave up and tried to sleep but it was about 100 degrees in the tent. We played 3 games of Uno. I wasn't familiar with the rules but I think Lynda was trying to give me an advantage as I couldn't help noticing that when she dealt the cards, I got 12 cards and she only got 5. Despite her thoughtfulness, she won all three games. Eventually, the weather changed and the sauna tent turned into an igloo. I couldn't sleep. Lynda, on the other hand was wrapped up mummy-like in her sheet with an angelic smile on her face. I would be over-exaggerating if I said I got 2 hours sleep.

Sunday July 24, 2011

The early morning traffic and crows eventually woke Lynda up. Space was at a premium so today it was Lynda's turn to wear the underwear. We packed everything up then tried for 40 minutes to figure out how the dollar store tie wraps worked. We each took one. I almost destroyed mine although Lynda eventually got it back together. The other one we finally figured out and used it to anchor the gym bag. It was now secure. We mounted our steed and rode it in to Sutton stopping at the Lakeview Grocery for some coffee. We took these down to a picnic table by the beach and planned our day. The plan we came up with was our usual plan, which was to have no plan. We rode to Barrie and appropriately had lunch at Barry's Burgers. Then we continued on to Horseshoe Valley. Most of our trip was based on taking a Segway tour at this resort. Unfortunately, we were an hour too late and the last tour of the day had gone. We decided we would try again on the way back so, since I wasn't feeling well…we pushed on to Wasaga Beach. Wasaga beach was packed with tourists. Just to park was going to cost us $10 so we decided to find our own beach. The first side road we found had an okay beach but it was kind of rocky. We left for better pickings and found a nice public beach about 3 miles further on. We had just got parked when Lynda discovered she had left her purse at the last beach. The race back was quite invigorating. We disturbed two bicyclists who were watching a family of deer. Luckily, Lynda's purse was easily found where she'd left it in the middle of the road. We headed back to our beach and parked again and went for a swim. Very nice. Refreshed we pushed on to Meaford and ate at the Leaky Canoe Restaurant. I was still not feeling well, had a fever and chills (not sleeping and heat exhaustion were a big contributor). All I could eat was some leak soup. The waitress was very nice and said she would ask one of the patrons if they had room at their bed and breakfast. Unfortunately they were filled up. I asked the waitress if she had any rooms. She said we would be welcome to stay at her place and watch tv with her husband. Instead, I checked out the Meaford Hotel next door, while Lynda waited for the bill. The manager was quite nice. I was able to talk him down from $78 to $70 for the night. He had to fill out the form for me as my throttle hand was so numb it felt like it was injected with Novacain. I went back to the restaurant to get Lynda. It started to pour rain…luckily the hotel was right next door so we hardly even got wet. We picked a good night not to camp. Chatted with our biker neighbours who were also spending the night. Lynda and I watched a Ben Stiller movie. I beat her 3/3 in her travel game of Sequence.

Monday July 25, 2011

We packed and left our motel and headed straight to Lion's Head stopping briefly in Wiarton to adjust the gym bag. Wiarton Willy was nowhere to be seen. We toured the marina and sat at the rock beach. I thought this was a good location to tell Lynda about the time I accidently hit my friend Jim, in the head with a rock. Of course, I had to do the hand gestures while I was telling my tale, and accidently smacked Lynda in the arm. At least, she thought it was an accident. We amused ourselves by using rocks to draw happy faces on each others stomach, then we went to the Lion's Head Restaurant for a tuna melt. We both agreed it was the best we'd ever had. We went to the Lion's Head Beach but the sun had disappeared and it was too cold to swim.

Marina Boy told us about a scenic drive to Stokes Bay. Marina Boy lied…it was not scenic at all. We went back to Wiarton and found a nice little MNR beach to camp at for the night. We figured it was out of the way and no one would notice us there. Before settling in for the night, we went to the airport and checked out the Bruce Peninsula Helicopter tours. George, the owner said if he could round up his flight crew (also known as his wife, Sharon), he would take us up at 6:30pm. We had half an hour, so we went to the local Tim Horton's for a drink and then returned. For $112 each we went for a half hour ride around the bluffs. Excellent.

Afterwards I jokingly asked them if they knew of any good campgrounds…i.e. like the airport. Sharon said no one would mind if we camped there. George directed us to a nice camping spot beside two airplanes and said he would leave the runway gate open for us. Then he gave us the door code for the pilot's lounge so we could use the bathrooms. That was very nice of them. We decided to forego our other camping spot as this one was kind of unique. We still had some daylight left so we motored over to Sauble Beach about 20 minutes away. We arrived at dusk. It's a neat little touristy town. We drove past the "No Motorbikes" sign and onto the nice beach but it was too cold too swim. Parked in town and checked out all the neat little stores just as they were closing. I had worn loose pants for the trip and apparently they were too loose as I kept having to pull them up. Lynda offered to buy me a belt but instead I used a bungee cord which seemed to do the trick. With that and my snazzy racing gloves, Lynda pretended she didn't know me. Lynda did her Bartholomew Cubbins impersonation and tried on several dozen hats.

Then we raced back to our airport camping spot. We had just gotten everything set up when it began to pour. Luckily we remembered the door code to the pilot's lounge so we sat inside and played four games of Sequence. This time Lynda won three out of four. We left at 12:30 a.m. as the cleaning crew were trying to mop the floors.

Just as we got settled in the tent, a microburst of wind touched down almost taking us and the tent away. My 12'x12' motorbike tarp took off down the runway. I ran down the runway in my underwear and managed to tackle it and drag it back. Lynda looked out the peephole and yelled, "You're not bringing that in here - there's no room!!". I had to agree, so I rolled it into a ball, stuffed it in the gym bag and lashed it to the motorbike. Lynda's side of the tent leaked a little but hardly enough for her mattress to float very far.

Tuesday July 25, 2011

Awoke to the sounds of some planes warming up. It was nice and sunny but windy. Left Wiarton and our unique camping experience and drove along the coast to Owen Sound where we had breakfast wraps at Tim Hortons. Near Craigleath found a small beach where a golden retriever was happily surfing in the waves while a jeep drove along the shore in the water.

Checked out the hotels in Wasaga Beach but they were all around $80. One of the managers gave us a tip that the rooms were cheaper in Midland and it was supposedly just like Wasaga Beach. He also gave us directions to get there via a scenic route. He must have been in cahoots with Marina Boy, as we got lost, the route was not scenic and Midland was nothing like Wasaga Beach. However we did find a nice room at the Shamrock Hotel. It was also $80 but I was able to charm them down to $65. It was nothing special but we both enjoyed the room with a double bed, tv and shower, microwave, fridge and coffee maker - everything you need. The owner told us the nearest beach was Balm Beach, ten miles away. It was a neat little beach town with touristy stores. We bought banana coladas and shoestring potato chips and laid on the beach. I fed Mr. Jenkins, the local seagull, some of my chips. Lynda kept scaring him whenever he'd come close but I told Mr. Jenkins to ignore her. Lynda fell asleep so I stacked rocks on top of her and went for a swim. Mr. Jenkins was sitting on her back eating chips when I got back. We bought licorice cigars, smoked them, then headed back to downtown Midland.

My bike actually has two locking clips for helmets but they are almost impossible to use. If by chance you are able to get the helmet strap into the clips, the helmet sits nicely on the muffler and melts away. Instead, I brought a 3 foot long chain which I threaded through the helmets and attached to the clips. It worked well but of course I forgot the chain in the room so we had to carry our helmets while we wandered aimlessly down the main street. Eventually we ended up at the Marina Restaurant for supper. It was very good. A seagull hovered around looking for my scraps. I'm sure it was Mr. Jenkins again as he seemed very wary of Lynda. On the way back to the bike, we heard some music down a side street which led us to the Library Restaurant. This was an old library that had been turned into a restaurant and was featuring an open mike night. Had we known, we would have gone there and I would have borrowed a guitar and done a few songs. We stayed for two singers then headed back. Less than 1/8 of a mile from our motel, we discovered a nice park with a sand beach…Little Lake Park. Had we know, we would have gone there instead of Balm Beach. Back at the motel, we left the bike and I amazed Lynda by finding a shortcut through the woods to get to the main mall where we watched a movie, "Horrible Bosses". We both enjoyed that. Walked back to our room where I let Lynda beat me in several games of Sequence - the official game of choice for motorbike enthusiasts.

Wednesday July 26, 2011

Got up and went for our free included continental breakfast. The options were three muffins, raisin bran, toast, and marmalade. There was a new clerk there that Lynda kept pestering with questions.

"Is there any peanut butter?" asked Lynda.

"No", he replied.

"Is there any fruit?", asked Lynda.

"No", he replied.

"Are there more muffins?" asked Lynda.

"No," he replied.

"Do you have to be a guest to eat here?", I piped in while munching on a muffin.

All I got was a glare from the clerk.

Frank and Norma from Niagara Fallls joined us. They had been coming to Midland for 45 years…although they didn't know about the park around the corner or the Library Restaurant. Luckily we were there to act as tour guides.

We packed up and headed down to the nearby park for a while then headed almost straight to Horseshoe Valley and we hardly got lost at all. Arrived at 11:22 for our 12:00 Segway reservation that Lynda made yesterday. Our tour guides, Josh and Will, were awesome. According to the employee chalk board, Josh was fond of Aliens, while Will had a preference for beaches. Both of us were trained in a matter of minutes and we set off with a group of 6 through a trail in the woods. One person fell off but Lynda and I had no problems and were racing full speed (25 km/hour) up and down hills. On the return trip, Lynda's Segway through up a rock which hit a passing golf cart but aside from the loud noise, there was no damage (that we could see). The 1 hour tour cost about $72 and included the instruction. Instruction should have been optional as the vehicle is very intuitive with its gyroscope and easy maneuverability. I would definitely recommend it as it was probably the most fun I'd had in a few years…at least on wheels.

From there we paid $15 each to ride inside the Ogo Balls. These are two styles of giant balls. One type you got inside and strapped yourself in. Then you're pushed down the top of a ski hill (…and we paid for this?!). They were poorly organized and the line-ups were long. It was a 25 minute wait for the first ride, then Lynda went…so it took an hour for us to complete one ride. I video taped Lynda coming down. All you can hear is Lynda screaming with an occasional chortle from me. We also tried the other style of Ogo Ball which is half filled with water. Two people can go at once so we did that. The wait was even longer as they had a fake family being photographed for the resorts new brochure. Finally it was our turn and we jumped inside. Neither of us realized that the water was going to be ice cold. We screamed from that all the way down the hill. Our $15 allowed us unlimited rides on the balls but they were so slow we gave up. Basically it took from 1:00-4:30 for us to get two rides in. A little organization on their part would make things much more efficient and pleasant for the patrons.

We decided since we had done everything and more that we'd set out to do, that we would head home a couple of days early. We set out , stopping at a nameless Family Restaurant just outside of Orillia. I ordered the beef stroganoff. Lynda returned from the bathroom to tell me gleefully that there was a cockroach doing the backstroke in the toilet.

"How's your cockroach Strogonoff?" she asked with a wicked smile.

From there we raced across highway #12 and down #28 to Port Hope then took the 401 to Kingston. It was quite windy and pitch black by the time we passed through Napanee. Arrived at Lynda's at 9:30 p.m. She suggested going to her mother's apartment and trying out her hot tub. I had no argument for that.

Back at Lynda's she made us pizza and hot chocolate to celebrate the end of a great voyage. We had travelled just under 1500 km.